five things, briefly
1. Your mom made me French toast when she was in town.
2. A stone as a present (that I sleep with on my chest when I can’t breathe).
3. The way you smell makes me want to kiss your neck.
4. “You should stay over, I’ll make you a nest.”
5. Still a fucking asshole.
sad
There’s the way I feel about things that make me happy, then there’s the way I feel about you.
a break
What I needed to hear was, “I love you,”
but instead I heard nothing.
What I needed to see was, “I love you,”
but instead I saw nothing.
What I needed to feel was, “I love you,”
but instead I felt nothing.
Meaning, of course, that nothing had changed everything.
Nothing had achieved new stakes entirely.
dhiy duvkd
Feeling like I’m doing everything right, but getting the entirely wrong results.
Like when you’re typing and typing and typing and two sentences too late you realize your left hand has been just one key over from where it should be. And although all your keystrokes have been correct, instead of “terrible” it says “yrttinlr,” and that is exactly how it feels. Yrttinlr.
status quo
He makes me so happy and he makes me so angry and he makes me smile to myself when I’m walking home late at night.
Most importantly, Whim can never, ever be mine, and so, naturally, I will love him hate him love him forever.
resolution⋅
I was born young and I’m gonna die young, too.
cause and effect
The more opportunities we give boys to act like men, the more likely it becomes that they will one day become men.
But no guarantees.
a brief introduction to psychology
Have I ever told you how you and I met?
I was curled up in a seat on the train reading. Reading…something. And I was just so comfortable. So when the train approached my station, there was no decision to be made, no inertia to overcome. I just stayed on and kept reading. The announcer announced that the doors were closing, and I briefly, distractedly glanced up to where you had sat down.
And there you were. Just like that. Just right there.
“Hi…”
“…”
“I’m Stella.”
“Okay.”
Then you smiled. And that was that.
5am
All of a sudden I find myself drinking cheap beer. Not for the taste of it or the effect of it so much as for the solidarity of it.
And at the end of the night I get a hug from a friend, and a whisper saying, “You are my favorite.” An old crush tells me how glad he is to have me in his life.
Nothing is different, yet everything’s all alright.
miscommunication
There’s this thing that happens when you tell someone you love them and they tell you that they love you, and you just know that you’re not communicating the same thing.
reality
- Tangent: You look like hell.
- Stella: I can guarantee you that it's better than how I feel.
